Letters of Gratitude 11/11/2010

On November 11, 2010, the one year anniversary of my hip replacement surgery I wrote thank you letters to the doctor and the charitable organization that made it all possible. I want to share my heart felt letters of gratitude with you.

Letter to Dr. Richard W. Garner

A year ago could barely walk and I certainly couldn’t do it without extreme pain. I really was only a few weeks away from being in a wheelchair and unable to walk at all. Today and everyday since my hip replacement surgery, I thank God that I can walk and I thank God for you. There is nothing I can ever say that can even come close to expressing my heart felt gratitude for the miraculous life-changing surgery you performed on me on November 11, 2009. I can only say you are my Angel, Dr. Garner. Thank you so very much and thank you for making a difference.

Letter to Anchorage Project Access

I just wanted to send you a short thank you note, even though I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough for the wonderful gift you have given to me. You really have changed my life. I was literally only weeks away from being unable to walk and spending my life in a wheelchair. I was lost in a never ending cycle of pain, depression and sleepless nights. Today and everyday since my hip replacement surgery on November 11, 2009, I thank God that I can walk. Thank you so very much and please give my heart felt thanks to all the wonderful Angels at Project Access.

I also chose this time to return my Prayer Card to Astara. Since this is also part of my healing path, I am reposting it here as well.

Astara Prayer Card

My greatest need is to live in joy and also to have peace in my life and within my family. I wish to continue growing spiritually with Astara’s degree lessons. I hope to find my true path through communication. I would like to make a difference in the world by sharing my story. I aspire to contribute to the greater good while helping others as I walk my healing path of gratitude.

The tradition of the prayer card began 50 years ago, ‘blending the power of intent with the workings of the Divine already present in each highest good.’ The Voice of Astara, November 2010. The card becomes part of Astara’s special Christmas Service and thus becomes ‘a powerful vehicle for growth, healing, transformation…’

So as the Astarian Tradition continues, my new tradition of sending thank you cards on the anniversary of my life changing surgery begins…

And so as my healing path continues…always with gratitude, I am Marsha!

2 Years Ago Today

My life as I knew it ended on this day, 2 years ago when I held Tiger in my arms and I let the vet put him to sleep. This was the beginning of end for me. I knew that it could not go on forever but I so needed more time. I was violently immersed into total darkness, the longest period of depression I have known in this lifetime. I left the vets office and went to see my doctor because I knew I could not do this alone, so began an endless cycle of antidepressants, sleeping pills and pain medication. I feel the loss now just a deeply and painfully as I did then. It seems like only yesterday. On the shelf by my bed I have his ashes in a small wooden box, a small picture of him and clippings from his fur which I take out and touch occasionally. Some days are better than others, and today is not so good. I do know that time will make it easier, but I still feel the loss, and time seems to pass so slowly. Why does it take so long? 

My Best Friend, My Reason for Living, My Life, My Love....My Little Boy, My Tiger!

And this too shall pass! I am Marsha!

Addendum

It’s been several days since I finished my 42 days of writing in the 9th and final wave of gratitude and I’ve kind of been going crazy. No pressure to write, took a couple days off but I don’t know what to do with myself. So here I am, I had to write today because I told myself I would write on the anniversary of Tiger’s death. Tiger was my best friend, my little boy, my reason for living. I know this is pathetic and crazy, but it is what it is. I spent so many years in the darkness of depression and when I would cry and beg God to please help me find a reason for living, that reason was Tiger. He was in fact, my life and I would have given anything, if I could have saved him, but I couldn’t.

My life as I knew it was over as the vet told me there was no hope, to say that I was devastated does not even come close to describing the desperation I felt. I held him in my arms as the vet injected him with the liquid that would take his life. He left me alone in the room as I held him and cried. I didn’t know how I was going to continue living. I had no reason to get up in the morning, no reason to go on, no dreams, no hope. I left the vet’s office and drove to my doctor’s office and so began my descent into darkness, making myself numb with sleeping pills, anti-depressants and pain medication. Hell was no doubt more pleasant than what my life had become. It was so hard to come home, I would cry as I would drive home from work each day knowing that he wouldn’t be there to greet me. My life and my house were so empty without him.

When his ashes were ready for me to pick up at the vet’s office, I felt a little better in a pathetic kind of way. I was glad to have him back with me, to know he was home again. I have him here with me now as I did in the last 2 places I have lived. I have some of his fur that I caress every now and then. I cherish my memories of him as well. He will always live in my heart. He got sick so quickly, in just a few short days he was gone. I wish I could have had more time to say goodbye, it would still have been difficult, I don’t know if it would have made a difference or not.

He was always there for me, no matter what. If I was crying he would come and sit on my lap and snuggle with me. He always slept with me. He had to be in my face, he would put his head on my pillow and sleep with me, if I would turn over he would move to the other side. Back in the old days when the computer monitors were huge, he would sleep on top of it, and sometimes he would reach out with his paw and touch me. He would follow me around the house and even wanted to be in the bathroom while I took a bath. He would sit on the floor and give himself a bath. When I would come home he would always meet me at the door.

I am so thankful for the time I had with him, he was the light of my life, and yes my reason for living. He really did bring so much joy and light into my life and when he was gone there was only darkness. Writing for 42 days in gratitude allowed me to release a lot of the pain I have held onto and to walk in the light. I am forever in gratitude.

Walking my path with my invisible Tiger cat, and always with gratitude, I am Marsha!

Day 42 - Celebrating Gratitude

". . . there will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning."

~ Louis L. Armour

*ArtPeace gifted by Tammi Baliszewski*

Whew! I have managed to complete 42 days of writing about my journey with gratitude. This is not an ending but a new beginning. It feels amazing and I am so excited because I have not always finished everything that I have started. I am celebrating the magic, the joy and the miracles that gratitude has brought into my life. I am the Spirit of Gratitude!

“Celebrate good times, come on!" ~ Celebration, Kool & the Gang

On Day 40 I wrote about complaining, I have one thing to add about Kevin, my ever complaining husband, he never ever complains about my cooking. I am NOT a good cook mind you, but he is an intelligent man. He knows that if he complains I will stop cooking! Haha Then he will have to cook for himself. He makes a mean bowl of Cheerio’s and he knows how to use that microwave like no one else can. Oh, and he’s really good at opening boxes of ice cream. All kidding aside, he was a cook in the Army, so he really does know his way around a kitchen. My grandmother was such a good cook, my daughter Becky is a fantastic cook, my mother is the absolute worst cook I have ever known. Some people have a knack for cooking and some don’t, that’s just the way it is and I am ok with it.

Before I start my next project, I am going to take a few days to finish reading This is the Moment and Gratitude A way of Life. There are so many things I want to do, I had to make a list to prioritize my ideas. Wow! When I was deep in the darkness of depression, I used to pray for a reason to get up in the morning. It feels so good to have dreams again, and a reason to get out of bed each day. Each day that I walk in gratitude I move farther away from the darkness and closer to the light. Yay! Go gratitude!

I cannot say ‘Good bye’, I must say ‘Hello’ because this is not the end, it is only the beginning. I have learned so much and I cannot stop now. Gratitude has become an integral part of me, like a wave surging through my body with each beat of my heart. I cannot live without it. Yes, gratitude is my life. I am forever changed, what an amazing ride, thank you Stacy! I have made my place in gratitude and I am going to live every day of my life in gratitude, now, forever and always in gratitude.

Always celebrating good times and resonating with Gratitude! Always! I am Marsha!

Day 42 - TRINITY OF GRATITUDE

Day 41 - Musings of Gratitude

*Artwork by Shawn Gallaway*

Last night I had a difficult time falling asleep, I just could not stop thinking about what I will begin for the next 42 days. There are so many things I want to do. I still have pain in my hand from the carpal tunnel surgery, it’s getting better but ever so slowly. So I have to wonder if I really am ready to do 42 days of sketching. It will happen but maybe not just yet.

I remember years ago when I was much younger I would be so excited to find money left in vending machines or in pay phones. Now I prefer to leave a coin for someone else to find, hoping that when someone finds it they will be as happy as I used to be when I would find a coin. I know it’s just a small thing, but my little random act of kindness brings me great pleasure.

I remember another time when ever I would go shopping at a local grocery store there was a checker who worked there. He always greeted me with such a big smile, it touched my soul. My husband and I had separated at the time and I was deep in the darkness of depression. It was just a little thing but that smile and friendly greeting meant so much to me. As I got better, I noticed that he greeted each of his customers the same way. I never knew his name or spoke more than a few words as he was ringing up my purchases, but I know that he was making a difference in peoples lives. I shall always be thankful for the smile that lit up my darkness. It really is strange that such a little thing as a smile can make a difference in someone’s life, but it does.

I have often wished that I had the gift of music, alas, that will never be in this lifetime. If I try to sing, it comes out wrong. I cannot carry a tune, I’m not sure what is wrong with me. Is this what being tone deaf means? I also have extreme difficulty trying to recognize a song when there are no words. So I wonder, what does it mean for me if “Music [. . .] is the key to unlock the Heart-Door of the Supreme” as Sri Chinmoy says? I enjoy listening to music and even singing along with my favorites but I only do it when I am alone. I’m sure this is a gift to those around me!

‘An Post’ just delivered my gift, This is The Moment!, from Walter Green. Here is the inscription inside.

Dear Marsha,

I was both touched by your amazing life events as well as your profound journey of gratitude. May you find a nugget or two in “This is the Moment” to further enrich your life. Be well and enjoy the moment.

All my best,

WG

I can hardly wait to start reading. In fact I will begin as soon as I get this posted. I am so great’full to Walter and what an amazing gift he has given me. I am truly blessed. I am gratitude!

Opening doors of possibility as I walk my path of gratitude! I am Marsha!

Day 41 - MUSE-I-CALL-YE GRATITUDE

Day 40 - Living Joyfully in Gratitude

*image courtesy of Michael Benjamin*

 One time many years ago, I was parked on the street. When I returned, cars had parked in front of me and behind me, and they were so close I could not get out. I got really upset, left nasty notes on the windows. Tears were streaming down my face as I backed up into the car behind me and pulled forward till I hit the car in front of me and I kept doing this until I worked my way out. I was so mad I just didn’t care. I must have looked like a crazy woman! And I was, but I would never ever do anything like that now, because I have changed a lot over the years. Now the time has come for me to release this painful memory and to forgive myself. I am great’full for this lesson in my life.

I have been thinking a lot about complaining and yes I do have a long history. It seems like my dad was always complaining about something and my mom won’t say anything at all if she can’t find something wrong. She couldn’t speak a kind word or give a compliment if her life depended on it. What a pathetic and sad way to live. How is it that I can see this and she cannot? I know that the first step to changing something is recognizing it. Oh, and of course, how could I not be a complainer being raised like this? But I do see it, and I am aware of it, so do you know what that means? It means I can change it. Yay!

I think the last 40 days of living and being gratitude has been and will be so very important to changing this. I have noticed that where ever I am, I always find things to complain about. But then after I am gone from that time and place, I remember the things I did enjoy and the ones I didn’t not so much! Interesting isn’t it? I can’t believe the difference gratitude is making in my life, I am now more great’full about what I have, than I have ever been before. It is nothing short of miraculous!

And by the way, I even married a complainer. My husband, Kevin, complains about everything, and I do mean everything! I have always known that he was grouchy but now that I am recognizing this behavior, it seems extreme. He says all the time “I can’t have nice things.” I swear this is true, and by stating it not only does he believe it, it is exactly what he gets! He also talks about the ‘Smith Luck’. I could go on, but I won’t. When my husband and I go shopping for an example, it doesn’t seem to matter where we park, someone always parks so close on the drivers side that my husband has a hard time getting back into the car. Hmmm, why does this never happen to me? He complains of course, but then he hacks on the other car. I see this as being a reinforcement of what he is always receiving. How can it ever change if this is what he puts out there?

For me, being connected to the light is pure joy and I love being in the light with gratitude. I wonder if the complainers in my life have never known the light, maybe that is the problem? So they just don’t know what they are missing. Or maybe this is what they think complaining makes them happy. Do they think that incessant complaining will change things? Hah! Never the less, complaining only brings more of the same. How sad is that?

“Gratitude brings more to be grateful about. It increases your abundant life. Lack of gratitude, or complaining, brings little to rejoice about. Complainers always find that they have little good in their life, or they do not enjoy what they do have.” ~ Louise Hay, Gratitude A Way of Life

It’s only 2 days to a new beginning and to completing 42 days of writing in gratitude. Wow! I am so great’full. I am looking forward to seeing which new doors will open for me. I know whatever it is, it will be wonderful. I have decided to spend the next 42 days drawing and journaling all the things I am great’full for each day. Although I will still blog if the mood comes over me. I am also pondering the idea of trying to learn Tai Chi by watching a beginning DVD I have. By the end of 42 days I should be pretty good at it. We shall see.

The universe always gives me what I really want, so today, I choose to be totally immersed in gratitude, because I know ‘The universe always gives us what we believe we deserve.’ I choose to accept every present given to me with pure joy and delight. Yes, I am gratitude!

Walking my path of gratitude with ever increasing ecstasy, I am Marsha.

P.S. Kevin are you listening?

Day 40 - LET'S CELEBRATE!

Day 39 - Moving Mountains With Gratitude

*ArtPeace by Krystleyez*

Today is my 39th day of writing my feelings from my heart with gratitude. I cannot believe how amazing it has been, how much I have changed and how much I have grown. As I write my pain I am releasing it. I am changing my life with gratitude and as I do I am moving closer to the light. I never know what I am going to write, I just kind of close my eyes for a moment and the words come to me.

I am so tired today, not because I didn’t sleep well, I did. It’s just a residual effect from yesterday’s allergic response to the wheat I ingested. I gave a small piece of the contaminated meat to my cat, Ash usually gobbles it up. I thought something was wrong when he turned up his nose, but I ate it anyway. We often refer to Ash as an ‘Eejit’ (Irish slang for idiot), but he is smarter than me. Aha!

*The Blessing Seed by Alison Dexter*

One of the things that I learned during my o.b.e. was that time passes differently on the other side. Here in Earth School, the illusion of time reinforces reality. So, I must still occasionally remind myself that this is not the true reality. I am living in a world of illusion, time as we know it does not exist in true reality. I see my life here as the curriculum in "Earth School." Memories of so many lessons are still painful, but that’s what I am here for and today I am humbly learning lessons from my cat!

Yesterday, I started reading Gratitude a Way of Life by Louise Hay. She talks about how the Universe loves gratitude. So the more great’full I am the more I receive! Yay! This is the Law of Gratitude. She goes on to say that complaining only brings more to complain about. 

“The Universe always gives us what we believe we deserve.”

It’s too easy, but such an interesting thought and an amazing concept.

I am walking in peace and moving mountains with gratitude! I am Marsha!

Day 39 - REPLENISHING SOURCE

Day 38 - Peace with Gratitude

*Ascension Celebration by Willow Arlenea*

Gratitude and peace seem to go well together. After all who in their right mind could imagine Gratitude and war? Anyway, I can’t. Gratitude for the end of war, but never gratitude for war. In order to have gratitude in my life, it is necessary for me to be gratitude. I think to have peace, all of us must feel it and be it. Then and only then it will be so. To have peace, I will first be peace. Today, I am thankful for the peace that gratitude has brought into my life.

In today’s blog, Stacey talks about L’hitpallel. It means literally “to judge oneself”, from aish.com. Living a Joyous Life defines it as “to do something to yourself, not to God.” I will no longer ask if God hears my prayers, because, if God is within me, then I must ask, am I listening to my prayers? How do I want to change myself to make these things happen? It is myself and my relationship to God that I am trying to change with prayer? This means to me that prayer is an exercise in self-reflection and self-evaluation. Ok, I know this is an ‘Aha’ moment, but it’s hurting my brain. It’s ‘New Light’ and I am thankful to have it in my awareness where it can now evolve and grow, integrating into my psyche. As always, another aha moment brings many more questions.

Today I accidently ingested some wheat, and I am allergic to it. I stuck my finger down my throat to purge what I could, then I took Benadryl. I feel ok, but I am really tired. I learned that I cannot rely on others to always label the food correctly. I must always ask questions especially if I am unsure and if I have any doubts, I won’t eat it. This is just one of many different things happening here in Ireland, just little things, but it’s making me feel like I am not supposed to be here. I have often wondered why do I feel like an outcast in the ‘Land of a Thousand Welcomes?’ Is it just this town or is it me? I am beginning to believe that it’s time to move on already. I am never the less grateful for all I have learned here but I am putting it out there, and we will see which door opens. I am in the moment, and going with the flow of Gratitude, welcoming dramatic changes in my life.

Walking my path in Gratitude and Peace. I am Marsha!

Day 38 - PEACE BY BEING PIECE

Day 37 - Ripples of Gratitude

*Return of the Golden Mean by B. Xolotl*

On this day in my life, the 37th day of my 42 days with Gratitude, I know that from this point forward I will always live my life in gratitude. This journey will continue, and it’s time for me to write to all the people in my life that I am thankful for and to tell them how much they mean to me. I am going to write letters to so many people. Many of them will be private but some I may publish on my blog. We will see. I do not know when my life as I know it will end but when it does, I will hopefully leave nothing undone and no stone unturned. What better gift than to love and to be loved?

A few days ago an online friend, who had a yahoo group, contacted me to tell me “thank you” for mentioning Astara while I was a member of his group. He had become a member of Astara and was now enrolled in their mystery school completing their Book of Life Degree Lessons. I am so happy that something I had written helped to change his path. Strange isn’t it? Something that seems small to me might just make a big difference to someone else! But perhaps it was not a coincidence maybe we were destined to meet in an online group?

I first found Astara when my kids were little, but I wasn’t ready to hear their message. It was not until many years later after I had an o.b.e. that I found them again. I signed up to be a member and started studying their Book of Life Degree Lessons. I have been studying their degree lessons ever since. I love Astara and I am so thankful not only that I found them but that I helped another find them as well. I believe that an “Astarian never walks alone!” This has comforted me so much in my times of darkness.

I have some very painful memories that I want to work on, but I don’t have the courage to share them yet. I will write them but I must do so as someone else. I must step out of myself and use the persona of another, perhaps Katherine Black. She is much stronger and more confident than I am. No, I do not have a second personality, I am simply writing with a pen name. And hopefully one day I will have enough courage and be strong enough to be and to accept myself.

Yesterday, I received an email saying that my comments to Walter Green at This is the Moment published part of my Day 27 blog on his web site along with the link to my Marsha’s Musings blog. Wooo hooo! I’m psyched. As I share my path of gratitude I can begin to see how the ripples of gratitude are expanding out slowly but ever so surely. Amazing to think how much difference one person can make in the world. My sincere thanks to Stacey Robyn! Go Gratitude!

Sharing the light with gratitude, I am Marsha.

Day 37 - RIPPLING SPHERES OF GRATITUDE

Day 36 - Memories of Gratitude

*image by Stacey Robyn ~ Choice, Divinity and Grace

It’s easy to be thankful for the really big things, like being able to walk everyday. In reflection, today I would like to write about some of the smaller things I am thankful for that have made a difference in my life. One of the things that comes to mind is a gift I received from Gail. She knew I was a tea drinker so she gave me a gift basket with Earl Gray tea, which I love, and chamomile tea in it. I quickly drank all the Earl Gray, but kept the chamomile anyway. Even dragging it around with me to Alaska and even to Ireland. I always bring a few baggies filled with tea where ever I go because I love my tea and some places it’s extremely difficult to find a good cup of tea, like Utah! Anyway I started drinking it here in Ireland and I was so surprised because I really enjoyed it and I’ve been drinking it ever sense. So today I would like to thank Gail for the small but never the less wonderful change she made in my life.

There was another time in my life when I was working at the English Language Center at a large private university in Colorado. I loved my job, because it was one of the few things that seemed to be working in my life at the time. I thought I had a good relationship with Norma, my boss, and that we were even becoming friends. That all changed when she hired her friend Nancy to work there. Of course, I learned later that she never considered me a friend anyway. I have often wondered what happened to her after she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She traveled a lot and would always bring back a little something for me, she was a very kind and caring person. I still have an interesting ceramic cat she gave me that I have come to cherish over the years. I place my rings on it’s tail every time I take them off.

Then 911 happened, we all watched in horror on the TV in the student lounge. The students were terrified. I was terrified, I so wanted to go home that day. In the days that followed our students from many of the Arab countries lived in fear, they were afraid to even go shopping. It was a difficult time for everyone and we were no exception. My husband had gone to visit his dad in Oregon and I found it difficult to go home alone.

In the time that followed my husband, who was self employed, had no contracts and no prospects because the computer jobs in Denver disappeared literally overnight after the towers fell. I wasn’t making enough to cover all of our monthly expenses so we lived on credit thinking the jobs would come back. But they didn’t! One of the most difficult things I ever had to do was sell all of my things at a yard sale and move into a single wide. We lost our pride and dignity with the house. We filed bankruptcy and became a statistic. I learned that it’s the treasures in my heart that are important not the earthly things I have collected. After all it’s the only thing I will be able to take with me when my path ends here in this world.

As for Nancy, I learned that she was also a wonderful person, I have never met anyone like her. When the time came for me to move on, I asked her, “What could I do to improve my job performance?” And she told me, her comments were constructive and very helpful. I am forever in gratitude of her grace and honesty. I have since realized that sometimes people are nice to you at work because you work together not because they like you as a friend. I have wondered why I have trouble telling the difference. Could it be because I was an only child? Or because I have always been so shy and quiet. Either way I don’t think I had the early social development that I should have had. To this day I still watch everyone to try to figure out how to act. I wonder. . . Ahhh the rambling reflections of a not quite ‘old’ woman...

Walking and sharing my ever so humble path of gratitude! I am Marsha!

Day 36 - REFLECTIONS OF GRATITUDE

Day 35 - Letting Go of the Weight with Gratitude

*Mayan Hunab Ku*

After looking at the pictures that were taken on my birthday, I realize that I need to lose a few pounds, not only would I look better but I’m sure I would feel better too. My daughter has reached her goal of losing 131 pounds! Kudos! I know it’s been difficult for her, but her future is bright and she looks beautiful. I have lost enough to fit into some of my smaller jeans but I need to lose more. So, why is it so hard? And why have I ALWAYS been so obsessed with it? I’m sure it’s all part of wanting to be like everyone else...and wanting to fit in. Of course, the media doesn’t help. I can remember looking in the mirror when I was very young, I would guess I was about 4 and I would think how fat I was. This was way back in the late 50’s. I don’t know where this was coming from, but I wonder about it now because I was so young. I was not fat, I was ‘normal’ for my age and height. Things that make you go hmmm!

As I got older I always held my stomach in, so I had some killer abs, never washboard, but very strong just the same. I even held my stomach in when I was pregnant, so after giving birth my stomach muscles were still strong. I was always able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes in less than 2 weeks after giving birth. I always had a nine month bout of morning sickness, and several requiring the occasional emergency room visits to stop the retching and heaving. So I never gained a lot of weight. Then of course there was the occasional bulimia flares, which tended to worsen during my bouts of depression.

I developed asthma as an adult in my thirties after having a severe sinus infection because the doctor kept telling me I had allergies. Hah! I thought this was strange since I had never been allergic to anything but I didn’t know any better because I never even had a sinus infection before. I no longer trust doctors because of this experience. I always question what they tell me, and do my own research. This began a long journey of using inhalers to keep it in check. The reason I mention this is because in my fifties I decided to embrace my expanding waistline and I stopped holding in my stomach so tightly. And a miracle happened, I could breathe! I still carry an emergency inhaler but I no longer have to use the cortisone inhaler everyday. It all seems so strange now and so very simple.

I have tried high protein, low carb diets and find it impossible to follow because of the constipation. I don’t like the concept of low fat, and I sure don’t like salsa on a baked potato! We need some fat in our diet to prevent dry skin, brittle hair and nails. And besides, I so prefer butter on my baked potato because I cannot gag it down without it. First we were told to eat margarine then we were told that was bad and to eat a little butter instead. Don’t drink coffee, then well go ahead and drink coffee, it’s not so bad, and so one. This flip flopping erodes their credibility. At first when I found out that I was allergic to wheat and gluten intolerant, I lost a lot of weight. I didn’t know what to eat and I ate mostly salads. But over the years I have found lots of wheat replacements and started eating the same type of diet I ate before, including lasagna, pasta, pizza, bread, etc.

When I was younger I used to think eating healthy meant eating whatever I wanted and taking vitamins. I have suffered through the years with IBS, heartburn and diverticulitis and seen the doctor many times over the years. I now know better. Shouldn’t doctors know this? And why did they not tell me any of this? Mmmmmmmm… maybe because they are not trained in nutrition! Or are the drug companies who are making millions on their drugs to treat GERD paying the doctors for promoting them? What a vicious circle! I have thrown away the “Food Pyramid” because it’s not how people should eat.

So the question becomes, how have I managed to lose 10 lbs so far without dieting? I am great’full to have found Sherry Brescia and her Great Taste No Pain program. She explains everything so simply that it is easy for me to understand and to follow. It’s basically a combination diet. I have not changed the foods I eat, except for eliminating the diet colas because they give me heartburn. I am changing the way I combine the foods I eat, so I don’t have heartburn which results in better digestion. I am also eating more fresh fruits and vegetables because I feel better when I do and it’s easier for me to lose weight. Yay!

Ahhhhhhhh . . . the sun is shining and sunny days are so rare here, time is a wastin. Today’s blog is much longer than I intended, but I am thankful because I needed to work on my self image issues. Writing, releasing, and ever-evolving in gratitude! Go Gratitude!

Walking a ‘lighter’ and ‘brighter’ path of gratitude! I am Gratitude! I am Marsha!

Day 35 - HUNAB KU AS GRATITUDE

Day 34 - Walking a New Path of Gratitude

*image source ~ unknown*

My process of healing with gratitude will certainly continue after this 9th and Final Wave of World Gratitude, I will keep writing that’s a given. I am afraid to stop writing, afraid that the words will stop coming. I have learned so much in the last 34 days, I know that this will not be so. I must quiet my fears, moving beyond them as I continue walking my ‘New Path of Gratitude’.

One of the things that I will really miss are the great pictures that I am using from Stacey’s daily blogs. Perhaps one of the doors I need to open is the one to art. I must start sketching and drawing again. It was something I would do everyday, but I have not drawn anything since my kids were little. I have saved nothing that I ever created because I could never live up to my own standard of perfection. I know this has to change. What if I spend 42 days of sketching and drawing? Hmmmmmmm . . . I will have to ponder that! I am so amazed by what has happened with my writing that I can only believe the results would be just as miraculous, but then only time will tell. So, we shall see…

I had a really wonderful birthday yesterday, I am so thankful for all my blessings, the World Gathering Forum, my new path of gratitude, and especially my friends and family, to name just a few. Yes, I am truly blessed. I spoke with my 7 year old grandson, Jax. When I told him I was 57, 50 years older than him, he said “You won’t be old until you’re 60!” He also told me he loved school and was getting smarter everyday! Aha! So it must be so! Out of the mouth of babes! What a relief! Those simple words of wisdom kept a smile on my face all day!

As I read through Stacey’s blog today, Hello Halo, I closed my eyes and envisioned the gratitude in my heart, sending waves of gratitude throughout my body with each beat of my heart as does the heart of the earth sending waves of gratitude, throughout the world to every living soul and beyond. I allow myself to be totally engulfed with gratitude. Oh yes, I have been forever changed with gratitude. I am walking a new path of gratitude, and opening the door to new possibilities. Go Gratitude!

I am gratitude! I am Marsha!

Day 34 - HELLO HALO

Day 33 - Letting the Pain Go With Gratitude

*artwork by Adriane Enns*

I spent many years trying to fit in, to feel normal. I so didn’t want to be different. And just about the time I did feel normal someone would say, “What happened to you?” When I was young, not even in school yet, I had gone to bible school with the family next door. Everyone kept asking me the dreaded question. I told my friend’s mother and she said to just tell them “It’s none of your business!”


I was so great’full to her, suddenly I felt powerful. During my life, I very seldom ever said it because I was too concerned about hurting someone else’s feelings but it was ok if my feelings were hurt. Now how stupid is that? I know I will always be different and I certainly am unique, this will never change. I have come to accept it and I’m ok with it. Besides being normal is highly over-rated.


Now that I don’t have to live up to the “normal” standard, I can be who I really am. I will always care about other’s feelings, but not so much about whether or not they think I am normal. Aha! This is a perfect example of “Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose” from “Me and Bobby McGee” written by Kris Kristofferson and first recorded by Roger Miller in 1970, which was later made famous by Janis Jopin. I remember this song because I was in high school at the time. Strange how some memories remain so clear and others are forever lost. Today is my birthday and I am 57!


I am living and learning, turning the pages in the book of my life, and talking my story. I am letting go of the pain with gratitude. Go Gratitude!

I am Gratitude! I am Marsha!

Day 33 - LETTING GO

Day 32 - Possibilities of Gratitude

*image by Luke Brown*

I can clearly see the finish line with only 10 days left. I also know that after the 42nd day I will not stop writing. It is in my soul and an essential part of my life, it has saturated my being and become my life blood. I am so enjoying the changes that gratitude has brought into my life, especially because I would have never imagined that this it was even possible a month ago.

Many years ago I had a job in a factory assembling things. I so hated it and it was extremely difficult for me. I have never had a high level of manual dexterity and I have always been klutzy. I knew I had to do something else. It was then that I decided to go to college but I had no clue as to what to study. I took a battery of tests to determine what my skills were. I thought that would help me decide what course of study to pursue. However, it did not work out as well as I planned. I scored high in everything except for the small motor skills and well I already knew that. My overall score qualified me for whatever educational path I decided to follow, but that was the problem, I still didn’t know what I wanted to do.

I enjoyed art, sketching and drawing, but I didn’t think I was good enough. I knew I was better than the average person, but I didn’t have enough confidence to pursue it. I also knew I wanted to be an author, but I was afraid I would have nothing to say. After all where would the words come from? Too often my mind would just go blank and I could not think of anything to say to save my soul. I enjoyed doing astrology, doing the mathematical calculations from my tables and charts, but I had the communication problem here as well. I was still at a point where I was afraid to tell anyone that I was into new age stuff, fearful I would be an outcast for being different. I finally decided to study computer science. It was the up and coming career and there would always be work for programmers! “What a joke!” Ever hear of the ‘dot com bubble’ and ‘out sourcing’?

Anyway, a few years later, here I was with a B.S. degree in Computer Science, a high GPA, no experience and no prospects either. I did have a pile of rejection letters over an inch high. This of course was back in the early 90’s when employers actually used the postal service! Yes, I know, I will be 57 tomorrow. Well after a year and a half, I gave up. I took a temp job working in a clerical position in an office. And you know what happened? I never became a programmer! I was forever in administrative work until I couldn’t do it anymore. My body just said no more, I could barely walk and my hands became almost unusable from carpal tunnel syndrome with severe nerve damage and arthritis. Then there was the never ending depression.

It was always strange to me why I ended up working most of my adult life doing something that I was never good at and that I did not enjoy. Some people just have to learn things the hard way. I was always embarrassed to tell people what I did for a living. I have spent most of my adult life feeling that I was failure for never being anything more than a secretary. And perhaps the saddest thing of all is that I was never good at it.

My journey of writing in gratitude is only beginning. I’m not sure exactly where it will lead but I do know it’s a road I want to travel, a door that I want to open and a new life for me. And one thing I have learned in the last 32 days is that anything is possible with gratitude.

I am no longer embarrassed by who I am. Always with hope and gratitude, I am Marsha!
Day 32 - (K)NEW VIEW ON EVOLUTION

Day 31 - The Miracle of Gratitude

*image source ~ unknown*

Another day living in gratitude, another wonderful change because I have allowed gratitude into my heart, my life and my very soul. Another door that was long closed to me has opened with gratitude. And OMG I am ecstatic. My birthday is only a few days away and this may well be the best birthday present that I have ever received.

Today I received an email from my youngest daughter, Jenny! We have not spoken for 5 years. Five years! Seems like forever, and now because of gratitude I have a new reality. I believe that gratitude has so thoroughly changed me that it is affecting all those who have connections to me, seen and unseen. I will forever be great’full for what Gratitude has done for me and the wonderful changes that it’s bringing into my life.

My first husband and the father of my 4 children, came from a large family with 6 children. There was so much contention between them, this one didn’t talk to that one, and that one hadn’t spoken to them for whatever reason, and on and on it goes. I remember thinking that will never happen with my children, but how could it not? We all learned what we lived and we have all lived what we learned.

I remember when Jenny was only a few days old, her father and I stood arm in arm admiring her. We were both so proud and praising each other for creating such a beautiful baby! I am forever thankful she has grown into such a beautiful and vibrant woman, wife and mother. So today I am taking the first step with my beautiful daughter Jenny on a new path in both or our lives. We are walking together in gratitude!

I am love, light and gratitude! I am Marsha!

Day 31 - FREQUENT SEE OF GRATITUDE

Day 30 - Seizing Gratitude by the Horns

*image source ~ souledout.org

Each day as I write about my emotions, I am healing them. As I release my negative emotions I am able to raise my vibration thus making room for more light in my body, my aura and my soul. My intent is to fill not only my heart with gratitude but my entire beingness. Gratitude is raising my light vibration and bringing balance and harmony into to my life. Gratitude stills my emotions and brings a sense of peace and calm into my life. And yes doors are opening... and change has indeed come!


A few days ago, on Day 27, I mentioned This is the Moment, by Walter Green. I went to his website, seized the moment and shared my story. Yesterday I received an email from Walter and his associate Christine asking permission to use my story and in return they would send me an autographed copy of his book. O.M.G. I am just ecstatic! I so wanted to read his book but international shipping rates and taxes can be expensive, so I was going to wait until it was available at the Amazon site in the United Kingdom. I even tried to buy the kindle version from the U.S. but Amazon knew I was in Europe! Oh and by the way I don’t even have a Kindle. How’s that for funny? Never the less I am very great’full for the offer and very excited as well. I am really looking forward to reading Walter’s book and continuing my journey in gratitude after the 42 days that I have committed to the 9th and Final Wave of World Gratitude. I am also looking forward to seeing where Stacey will take ’Go Gratitue’ in the future.


During my darkness while I was living in Florida, I went to see a psychic, Rosa, another Angel in disguise. I was skeptical but my friends wanted me to go with them. So we took our turns going in one at a time. When it was my turn she shuffled a deck of tarot cards and I cut them. She turned them over one by one, and the first thing she said to me was “You are going to live for a very long time.” Wouldn’t a normal person be happy with this? But then no one has ever describe me as normal! I so did not want to hear that, I was hoping my exit from this life would happen sooner rather than later!


My death seemed like my only escape from all the pain and misery I was in. Alas, it was not to be. I didn’t hear too much of what she said after that, I was just too upset, but I have thought a lot about it since then. It was what I needed to hear at the time, providing me with the motivation to change my life. I have told my children, and everyone that might have to make that decision that I don’t want to be a burden like my mother. If the time ever comes that I can no longer take care of myself, please just put me in in a nursing home. I hope that day never comes, I want to live and to love in gratitude fulfilling my highest potential, leaving nothing undone. And when I die, I can only hope that I pass peacefully in my sleep!

30 days of Gratitude, woohoooooooooo! Igniting my spark and seizing the moment! I am Marsha!

Day 30 - RE-VIEWING GRATITUDE

Day 29 - Waves of Boundless Gratitude

I have moved past the 4 week mark and I am well on my way to day 42! Wow! I feel like a different person. A part of me that I never even knew existed is now out front in the center. I am forever great’full. Thank you Go Gratitude!

I can’t help believing that the Gratitude that has so changed me is changing others just as dramatically. I am sure each wave has had the same effect on those who were receptive to the message of gratitude. The wave is growing stronger and surrounding the earth and radiating outward. Each day through my writing I am connecting with Gratitude and I am being born anew. I am irrevocably changed. I am Gratitude!

When we lived in Florida we were trying to start a Wine Import business because we had lived in Italy for 18 months and just fell in love with the wine, the people and the country. It turned out to be much more difficult than we had expected, never enough money. To help out, I found a temp job at NSU that later turned into a permanent job. It didn’t pay a lot but it was the only thing I could find, jobs were few and far between. The politics in the office and the negativity were at best overwhelming. I hated my job but the people I met changed my life and some of them became good friends. This was the beginning of the darkest period in my life.

I will write more about this in the coming days, got to start sorting through the bits and pieces of my emotions somewhere. I am thankful for everything in my life, good and bad, because all of my life experiences have taught me many lessons. I am who I am because of or maybe in spite of everything that has happened in my life. I am Gratitude!

With boundless enthusiasm and never ending waves of global gratitude, I am Marsha!

Day 29 - AFFINITY THROUGH GRATITUDE

Day 28 - The Bright Light of Gratitude

*image source.~ unkown

I have much more than a spark of gratitude! It’s more like my heart is on fire with gratitude! And all of a sudden I seem to have so much to say, so many things I want to write about. Gratitude has forever changed my life. There is no going back now, I have fully embraced the changes that gratitude has brought into my life.

I am receiving lots of incoming ideas, not too sure that any of it’s brilliant, but I am ever so great’full none the less. I have always been so quiet and shy, only opening up to a select few. When I was a teenager I was called ‘stuck up’ because I didn't speak, I don’t think anyone realized how painfully shy I was. I wanted to speak but I couldn’t, I was so afraid. I made good grades and did well on tests, but during class if the teacher asked me a question, my face would turn bright red, my mind would go blank, and I couldn’t think of anything to say. It all sounds so crazy. There was another time as an adult when I had laryngits and lost my voice. I could barely whisper. It was difficult for anyone to hear me, much less understand me, but I learned that I sure seemed to have a lot to say for being an introvert!

A few short months ago when I was lost in the darkness I listened to a meditation by Carolyn Myss from Channeling Grace. This one little meditation caused a spark that created a flame, a light in my heart. It was small but it was there just the same. It seemed so bright in the darkness but it was the beginning of the light coming back into my life. And now thanks to Go Gratitude my heart is filled with light! I can close my eyes and see it extending and growing until it surrounds me and completely fills my aura. It’s really an amazing feeling… I am in awe! Go Gratitude!

I am Light, I am Love, I am Gratitude! I am Marsha!

Day 28 - SPARK OF GRATITUDE

Day 27 - Angel of Gratitude

As I progress through each day of the 42 days of the Final Wave of Gratitude I am noticing things with the Go Gratitude symbol and also finding much more gratitude in my life. Yesterday I received an email from Hay House and found a book by Walter Green, This Is The Moment. It’s about how he changed his life using the Law of Gratitude. I would love to read it, but of course, living in Ireland has its drawbacks. It takes longer for new books just released in the US to be available here in Ireland. So it’s just another lesson in patience for me. Ahhhhhhhhhh!

I was, however, able to download a 3 page guide, Crafting Your Own Expressions of Gratitude, from his website. The reason I mention this is because it seems to fit in nicely with today’s message. The idea is to express my gratitude for what they’ve done for me and what it has meant in my life. The first step is ‘Who?’ The second step is ‘How?’ The third step is ‘What?’. There are so many people, I could write my own book about it. Hmmm, maybe I will. Now that’s a thought!

Just over a year ago my husband was out of work and had been for a while. I could barely walk with the bone on bone pain from arthritis in my hip and was only weeks away from being in a wheelchair. The pain kept me awake at night even though I was taking a lot of prescribed pain medication, sleeping pills and antidepressants. With no medical insurance and no income, I was lost in a downward spiral into my dark night of my soul with no end in sight.

My Angel a.k.a. Richard W. Garner, M.D.

Somehow, someway, the Angels were watching over me and I was saved. I was accepted by Anchorage Project Access, and my Angel, Dr. Garner. Everything was donated to me, the doctor, the hospital, nursing, everything. My medications were $5 or less. I am truly blessed and will be forever great’full. Many people have made a significant impact on my life but nothing more dramatically than this. I still have some issues and I will never be young again, but I thank God every day I can get out of bed and walk!

Sharing my emotions freely, loving passionately from the heart, and always with gratitude. I am Marsha!

Day 27 - WRITES OF PASSAGE

Angel of Gratitude Reaches Out

Day 26 - Speaking My Gratitude

*Breath of Gold by Vicki Krieger*

I always, always speak my truth from my heart and I am always true to myself. It serves no one to tell them only what they want to hear. If I don’t tell the truth it’s a lie by omission and still a lie never the less. If I speak from the heart it cannot help but be loving and filled with gratitude and kindness.


I love filling my body and aura with Golden Divine Light through the crown chakra until it fills and saturates me completely and overflows to everyone around me. I have noticed when I do this I am treated very differently by the others that I encounter through out my day! People are kinder, gentler and genuinely more caring. It’s really quite amazing and it also feels quite wonderful! Just imagine if everyone did this. Go Gratitude!


Speaking of always doing something, always ask questions. How can I ever know or learn if I do not ask questions? I cannot accept anything at face value and I certainly don’t believe everything I read or see especially on television or what someone tells me. I am always filled with questions, too many, but my inquiring mind wants to know…


I can see it, taste it, feel it, speak it, know it, I let it fill me completely and I become Gratitude! Always asking questions and speaking from the heart with Gratitude. I am gratitude!

I am Marsha!

Day 26 - SPEAK AND SPELL

Day 25 - An Attitude of Gratitude

*source ~ unknown*

Life is too short to spend it drifting along. I prefer to ride the raves and go somewhere. I do have a hard time staying in the same place too long. It seems impossible for me to stay put because so many doors open with new opportunities. This has undoubtedly brought a lot more change into my life.


Writing each day during this final Wave of Gratitude has certainly caused a shift to occur in my thoughts and feelings. I am seeing things differently. Sometimes change is good, and the gratitude shift is definitely good. I am riding the wave and I feel good. My heart is calling for me to write and I am doing it! Wow! Thank you gratitude!


I have been a healer for many years. I have studied different modalities of healing and learned how to use my hands for healing. 2 years ago I developed carpal tunnel in both hands, test results were severe with the only option being surgery. I could no longer sew or work with any thing small and I lost a lot of strength in my hands. Earlier this year I gave in and had the surgery but the recovery has not gone as well as I had hoped. I still have pain and no strength but it is still better than the never ending numbness and tingling. Thankfully I can write with a pencil and type on a keyboard, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this blog.


My husband had a headache this morning and I tried doing a Healing Touch technique called ‘pain drain’ but the pain in my hands was unbearable after only a few minutes. So I had to stop. My hands were extremely sensitive before and I was able to feel energy, now I cannot. As a Case Manager at the Distant Healing Network I do lots of distant healing. Even though I would prefer hands on healing I am ever so thankful that I am still able to do distant healing.

Riding the wave with gratitude and a shifting attitude, I am Marsha!

Day 25 – DRIFT TOO SHIFT

Day 24 - Caring With Gratitude

*kirlian photo of an apple - source unknown

Wouldn’t it be funny to see a furry apple? Everyone loves fluffy little puppies and kittens, they are so full of energy and bring so much joy. Of course, this is not fur in the picture it’s energy. It’s light. Remember the old saying ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’? I can certainly see why, how could this light not nourish you? I am trying to improve my diet by eating fresh fruits and vegetables and I can see from the picture just how much light this apple carries. So, I know it is a good for me. My favorite apples are the Golden Delicious ones. I just ate one in fact.

I’ve been living in darkness, anti-depressants, sleeping and pain pills, for almost 2 years. In the last few months I have stopped taking them, although I still take the pain medication when I need it. I have also stopped drinking cola. I would love to see a kirlian photo of a cola . . . no life there I’m sure. I have not lived a “normal” life, it’s been difficult and emotionally painful, and I have a lot of baggage. I am trying to lighten my load by writing and I do believe that writing this blog each day is helping me to heal my emotional body, just as healthy food is helping my physical body to heal.

I love it when other’s share their views with me, it allows me so see things differently. Wouldn’t it be so boring if we were all the same? It upsets me more than you can ever know when I lose control of my emotions. I so hate it if I cry in front of others, this makes me so angry at myself. Is it rude to tell someone how you really feel? Sometimes I can’t help it, it just comes out of my mouth, and the tears flow; then, I apologize. So yes, I have to conclude that it is indeed rude. OMG One more thing I have to work on! Thankfully, no one here in Ireland asks me how I am. They say “How are you keeping?” In businesses no one asks me if they can help me, it’s “Are you ok?”

In another lifetime, in a land far far away, when I told my first husband I was leaving him, and I swear this is the truth. The first thing he said to me was “What will the neighbors think?” It was ok for them to think he was a worthless drunken bum who didn’t work but not ok for them to think that his wife left him! I thought this was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! My answer, “Who cares?” Besides, they probably thought I finally came to my senses! They, in fact, were probably so busy with their own lives they didn’t even notice!

I try to be considerate of other people’s feelings. Why do I care? I am not sure, but I do. I am a Case Manager at the Distant Healing Network, so I send distant healing and prayers for the people and the animals that need help. I am a Reiki Master, Spiritual Healer, Ordained Minister and so much more, and I care for those around me. I am a wounded healer, walking a healing path, writing with gratitude from the heart.

With love, gratitude and hopefully not too much babbling….I am Marsha!

Day 24 - CHEWS GRATITUDE

Day 23 – Pink Hearts, Rainbows and Gratitude

Art by Bruce Harman – Rainbow Heart

To me Full Specturm Intention means healing from the heart with all the colors. I have done meditations were I bring each color one at a time into my aura and body letting the energy flow into my crown chakra. I have also done one where I see all the colors of the rainbow swirling above my head in a big circle and I bring the rainbow down around me like a whirlwind. Both feel wonderful.


~ Image taken at Walnut Canyon, AZ. 2010 ~ Stacey Robyn

When I lived in Hawaii I saw a lot of rainbows, but everywhere else I’ve lived, I have very rarely see one. I love them, they are beautiful. Even living here in Ireland, where it rains a lot I don’t see one very often. It fills my heart and soul with joy because to me they symbolize healing and to see one is a gift.
In the picture of the prism created from the crystal, the prism in the darkness is so much more vivid and the pink in the center is beautiful. I love working with crystals in healing and found that they greatly increase the healing energy and clear blocks quickly. I especially love citrine it is like pure sunshine.

Prism’s and rainbows remind me of the many different paths we all walk here in Earth school. There are many different races, religions, creeds and colors, but I believe we are all part of the One…and this is where all the different paths lead eventually. Some sooner, some later, but it’s all the same destination.

And so until tomorrow, with pink hearts and rainbows, I am Gratitude!

I am Marsha!

Day 23 - FULL SPECTRUM INTENTION

Day 22 - The New Light of Gratitude

*artwork by Frank Riccio for Cafe Gratitude*

What an amazing morning. I woke up to the sun shining in the window. I can’t even remember the last time this happened. I walked down to the River Laune and took some pictures and just soaked in the sunshine. The water was so still and smooth like a mirror reflecting the beautiful scenery surrounding it. This is unusual too, the wind always seems to blow. I am so glad I was able to seize the moment this morning because it’s was raining by lunchtime.

In the picture I see the fruit of summer in her eyes even though it’s a bleak fall day after the leaves have long fallen, the sky is gray and snow may be on the way. To me this says keep your eye on prize. I must hold onto my dreams with all my senses in all realms in order for them to manifest. Is this like seeing through rose colored glasses? Perhaps, but I must take steps to manifest my vision, not just living in a state of denial, saying everything is fine.

Have you ever noticed the shock on the face of the person who asked you “How are you?” and you just told them the truth? The customary response is “fine” but how often is it true? Being an emotional person I have on occasion responded with the truth, not meaning to but doing so never the less. I have seen the surprise on their faces, more than once. When I ask someone how they are, it’s because I care deeply and I genuinely want to know the truth. Yes, I know I am unique, a nice word for strange! So I have to ask, what if everyone just told the truth about how they really feel? Wouldn’t it be interesting? Would people stop asking?

I think this is an important concept for me. I have learned in my 22 days of writing with gratitude that I must acknowledge what I am feeling and not live in a state of denial. Otherwise I will not grow and move closer to the light. When I take Zoloft and Lunesta, I am numb, and certainly not in touch with my emotions. In this drug induced fog, my emotions are still smoldering deep inside of me and I know they will flare up someday. Well now is that day, not literally because I stopped taking both of them some time ago, and I feel lucid and intently focused. I have realized another important insight today. ‘New Light’ (a.k.a. aha moment) has once again come into my reality.

I say this because I was once a Jehovah’s Witness. I became a member for a couple of years way back in the 70’s, a really long time ago! They managed to scare me into believing that they were the only religion teaching “The Truth” and only their members who worked hard (knocking on doors) would be saved. Crazy huh! Well, the world didn’t end in 1975 as they had predicted. So, I finally came to my senses, and I stopped believing their so-called version of the truth. Besides they couldn’t answer all my questions, and I always have questions. The Watchtower Society (Jehovah’s Witnesses’ leadership) has actually predicted the end of the world several times. When their prophecies were wrong, they would receive New Light, which is a different way of understanding and interpreting the scriptures. It was more like new dogma and just another way to keep their members in the dark and living in fear.

I am so sorry for those who are blinded by their dark doctrines. I am also sorry for all the pain I caused during this time, especially for my children. I did not let them celebrate Easter, Christmas, Halloween or even their birthday. They were young at the time and I was only a member for a couple of years. Excuses begone! Even though I have made more than my share of mistakes over the years, I am grateful for the knowledge I have gained during my life experiences.

I am riding the wave of gratitude, bringing the light into the darkness. I am Marsha!

Day 22 - ABUNDANCE AS CURRENT-SEE

Day 21 – Finding My Way Home With Gratitude

Image by Daniel B. Holeman*

I have been worried for the last week since my 38 year old daughter told me she needed a hysterectomy. Then the biopsy was inconclusive, so the doctors decided to do the surgery as soon as possible. As the day has gotten closer, my emotional sensitivity has increased dramatically, day by day. I am a bundle of emotions but I would be this way even if I were there with her. Alaska is a long way from Ireland.

A few moments ago as I was standing in the kitchen making tea, I felt a feeling of peace and stillness come over me, a knowing that she will be all right. I think it’s always difficult for a parent when a child needs surgery even a grown up one. I must go beneath to the Now to quiet my irrational mind and still my out of control emotions. Oh the woes of Scorpio water signs! It doesn’t help that it’s been cloudy and dreary the last few days. Where is the sunshine?

I’m just not sure what home is. I wanted it to be a place that never changed, but that could never be. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn is that change is the only thing that never changes. It’s a Catch 22. Things are always different. I moved away from Rye where I grew up as soon as I graduated from High School. When I came back to live it was different, things were not the same as I remembered. I had this same experience many times over the years. Then later when I was living in Golden, my husband and I separated for the second time, and again because of my kids. I so wanted to feel safe, to have a home, but I didn’t, and the man I loved had abandoned me again. I remember riding the bus to go to a Rockies game, and I felt this all encompassing sadness come over me as I realized that change was the only thing I could count on.

OMG I just realized something, ‘New Light’ has come into my reality. That Mother-Father God, Allah, Jehovah, Great Spirit, the Divine, Golden Light, or whatever name you wish to use, IS something I can count on too. Wow! I know I am ever changing, but now I must wonder is God the one thing that never changes? Perhaps it is this fantasy of reality where change exists. Does change exist behind the veil? And what about the darkness, I know it cannot survive in the light, but is it in the real world as an opposite of Light? Or is it only here in our illusionary Earth School? Interesting isn’t it, how one new answer brings so many more questions.

Ok, so today is number twenty one, does that mean writing each day has become a habit? I think it has. I have learned so much writing for these last 3 weeks. Today’s message defines Home as ‘our sacred place of rest, relaxation, and peaceful-nes.’ This is exactly how I feel when I am connected to the light! So, today I have learned that there are 2 things I can count on and also that my home is not an earthly one! Love it! I am writing my path of gratitude, clearing negative emotions and gaining new insights along the way. Go Gratitude!

I am Marsha!

Day 21 - COMING H(OM)E

Day 20 - Changing Gratitude

* source ~ unknown*

Today I am grateful for each part of me, even the parts that I most want to change. It seems I am always changing, even things that I don’t want to change do change. There is not an option here, the only constant in life is change. When there is no change there is no life, only nothingness.

I see the human body as a tree with roots extending invisibly down into the ground and branches that reach for the sun in the sky. Isn’t this what we all do? Just as trees need the light of sunshine, and the roots need to be in the ground, I need the sun (symbolic of the Divine Light) shining on me and I need my etheric body to be grounded into the earth. Grounding helps me to go beneath and be in the calmness of the Now.

I have always loved trees, when I was little I enjoyed climbing them. Now I can no longer climb them, but I love taking pictures of them, even touching them, sometimes hugging them. I can feel the massive power and knowledge from the energy of the trees. Trees seem magical to me, filled with wisdom.

When I was in 7th grade there was a beautiful tree in front of the school, I’m sure it had been there since way before I was born. There was a small area for the tree and it was surrounded by pavement. One day workers came and cut it down as I watched helplessly from the classroom window. I don’t know if it affected others as deeply as it did me, but how could it not? I have often wondered why they chose to do this. They covered the spot with pavement. With pavement, no less! For me, it just was not the same without the tree, ever, but the tree continues to live in my memory.

Whether or not I see change as good or bad, change comes never the less. I can only believe that there must be a divine plan somewhere, even though I am totally clueless. Change sometimes seems so hard when it comes, but I believe that if you don’t make changes when you need to, you will be forced to with a more sudden and drastic change. I am so afraid of flying and I married a man who has traveled his whole life. I finally decided to go for it and travel the world with him. It’s still not easy for me, but it is easier riding the wave instead of swimming against the current.

I am gratitude! I am Marsha!

Day 20 - ROOTED IN GRATITUDE